Common red flags and boundaries in relationships - by Tina Pokuaah
Sticking
to the theme of healthy relationships, this month’s blog is exploring common
red flags and establishing boundaries in relationships.
Empowering
our young people to recognise red flags and setting boundaries is vital to
helping them safeguard and protect themselves from unhealthy relationships.
Some red flags may be obvious from the get-go, while others may be trickier to
detect.
This is not an exhaustive list but is a good starting point to help them identify red flags whilst dating or in a relationship.
· Controlling or coercive e.g. telling them where they can go, who you can talk to, what you can wear
· Lack of trust
· Feelings of low self-esteem
· Physical or emotional abuse
· Narcissism
· Anger management issue
· Co-dependency
· Inability to communicate/resolve conflict
· Constant jealously
· Gaslighting
How
to approach red flags
With
any delicate situation, addressing red flags in a relationship requires:
• Tact
• Honesty
• Self
Care
Empower
them to recognise that taking care of themselves should be a top priority in
life. If a relationship is coming between them and their happiness, something
needs to change.
What
should they do?
• Acknowledge
their own needs
• Communicate
• Be
honest with themselves
• Know
when to leave
• Reconnect
with friends and family
• Seek
outside help
• Learn
how to set boundaries
On
that point, encouraging them to set boundaries, which is the process of
determining any non-existent or unhealthy boundaries in their life is vital. It
is about giving themselves empowerment and agency.
So
what is a boundary? To put simply a line
which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
Boundaries
can be emotional, physical or digital.
It’s
also about exploring their comfort level in specific situations with the goal
of setting better boundaries.
To
help them learn about their personal boundaries, get them to start by reflecting
on their past experiences, note them in a journal and discover what their needs
are.
Some
personal boundaries might look/sound like:
• Their
right to privacy
• The
ability to change their mind
• Refusing
to take blame
• Finding
their identity outside of a relationship
• Their
freedom to express sexual boundaries
• Their
right to remain true to their principles
• Knowing
their limits and defining them
• Saying
‘no’
• Being
firm with their needs
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