Common red flags and boundaries in relationships - by Tina Pokuaah

 


Sticking to the theme of healthy relationships, this month’s blog is exploring common red flags and establishing boundaries in relationships. 

 

Empowering our young people to recognise red flags and setting boundaries is vital to helping them safeguard and protect themselves from unhealthy relationships. Some red flags may be obvious from the get-go, while others may be trickier to detect.



 

This is not an exhaustive list but is a good starting point to help them identify red flags whilst dating or in a relationship.  

·         Controlling or coercive e.g. telling them where they can go, who you can talk to, what you can wear 

·         Lack of trust  

·         Feelings of low self-esteem  

·         Physical or emotional abuse  

·         Narcissism 

·         Anger management issue 

·         Co-dependency  

·         Inability to communicate/resolve conflict  

·         Constant jealously  

·         Gaslighting  

 

How to approach red flags 

With any delicate situation, addressing red flags in a relationship requires:

             Tact 

             Honesty  

             Self Care 

 

Empower them to recognise that taking care of themselves should be a top priority in life. If a relationship is coming between them and their happiness, something needs to change.  




 

What should they do?  

             Acknowledge their own needs 

             Communicate  

             Be honest with themselves 

             Know when to leave 

             Reconnect with friends and family  

             Seek outside help  

             Learn how to set boundaries 

 

 

On that point, encouraging them to set boundaries, which is the process of determining any non-existent or unhealthy boundaries in their life is vital. It is about giving themselves empowerment and agency.  




 

So what is a boundary?   To put simply a line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.  

 

Boundaries can be emotional, physical or digital.  

It’s also about exploring their comfort level in specific situations with the goal of setting better boundaries.  

To help them learn about their personal boundaries, get them to start by reflecting on their past experiences, note them in a journal and discover what their needs are.  

 

Some personal boundaries might look/sound like: 

             Their right to privacy  

             The ability to change their mind  

             Refusing to take blame  

             Finding their identity outside of a relationship  

             Their freedom to express sexual boundaries  

             Their right to remain true to their principles  

             Knowing their limits and defining them  

             Saying ‘no’ 

             Being firm with their needs  

 



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