Why don’t women leave abusive relationships?

May 30, 2023

Why don’t women leave abusive relationships?

All relationships are different. There isn’t such a thing as a ‘normal’ relationship, but there are healthy and unhealthy behaviours in relationships.

When you consider domestic abuse people often wonder what on earth would keep them in that relationship and why they would stay, and yet time and time again it happens, and again and again, the victim stays. All regardless of social status, gender, class, or ethnicity.

Domestic abuse is defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading, and violent behaviour, including sexual violence.

In the majority of cases, it is perpetrated by a partner or ex-partner, but can also be by a family member. It is very common and accounts for 16% of all violent crimes. Worryingly a domestic abuse-related call is made to the police every 30 seconds in the UK.

It is really easy to judge a person for staying in an abusive relationship but victims’ reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complicated. In most cases, they are based on the reality of what might happen to them if they were to leave. The fear women feel is incredibly real, and due to the increased likelihood of violence post-separation often women consider it is simply easier to stay.

There are also practical reasons why a woman doesn’t leave her abuser, including feeling isolated and having a lack of support, being tied by financial commitments to the family or financial control by the partner, concerns for the impact on their children, or them being taken away, lack of self-esteem, manipulation, societal factors, and denial.

The reality of leaving an abusive relationship can be extremely dangerous and familial domestic homicides continue to increase year after year with women being disproportionately affected.

In the year ending March 2022, there were 134 domestic homicides in the UK, an increase of 16% from the previous year. Scarily, 46% were females murdered by their partner or ex-partner within a year of separation.

Sometimes women in emotionally abusive relationships simply do not understand that they are being abused because there’s no violence involved, no bruise to show for what the abuser said or did to them.

In physically abusive relationships some women genuinely believe that their abuser can change, they lie to themselves and justify their actions with love.

Children are one of the most common reasons why women stay. They stay to shield their children from perceived harm that they know the abuser could turn on them if the victim were to leave. They also stay because they consider it is the right thing to do for their children, irrespective of the impact it may have on them personally.

Women in abusive relationships often feel embarrassed to admit that their partner is abusive for fear of being blamed, judged, or criticised for not making their relationship work.

Sadly, it is estimated that every day almost 30 women attempt suicide as a result of experiencing domestic abuse and every week three women take their own lives.

If you have spotted any of the signs of domestic abuse, reaching out to the person is the first step. A strong support network is needed if a domestic abuse victim intends to leave. It takes, on average, seven attempts before a woman feels able to leave for good.

If you are worried you are being abused, or someone you know is, there are various steps you can take to seek help: